I may have reached ‘peak-pun’ with this title. And what a lovely place to be!
Church is a new ‘barcade’ (I don’t know why but that word makes my toes curl all the way up to my knees) in Kelham Island and is very handily just 5 minutes walk away from where Andrew and me work.
The venue’s full name is ‘Church – Temple of Fun’ (toes are curling even higher now) and it’s in the same building as Drop Dead clothing and founded by the same chap – the lead singer of Bring Me The Horizon.
The only reason I’ve ever heard of this band is because Andrew’s veeeeery old band Jonestown Is Sleeping headlined for them about 10,000 years ago in a venue I can’t remember – maybe the Grapes? Bring Me The Horizon went on to become super-rich, super-famous international rock superstars and Andrew went on to marry me. So he’s the real winner here.
Anyway, I digress, the point of this post is that housed within the Temple Of Fun is Make No Bones, the vegan restaurant that used to be on Chesterfield Road and was famed for its realistic fake-meat offerings. Full vegan restaurants are still a rarity, even in a city the size of Sheffield, so I was very pleased to see it had found a new home.
On Saturday, we popped in to try out the food. The venue is the kind of place 14 year old me would have sold my last Nirvana tape to enter. As a friend at work put it – it’s like it was decorated by Avril Lavine. Now, 23 years on (oh. good. GOD. I. got. old.) I view it with mid-30 eyes – do they have high chairs? Is it reasonably priced? Is there room for children to play without getting beer spilled on them?
Tramlines was on, again, a festival 14 year old me would have been all over. Sadly, instead of going to Tramlines, at 14, I was trying to get high smoking banana skins in Safeway carpark in Brid.
But I digress again. Tramlines means many eateries strip back their menus to a few basic offerings as they know that come 3pm, people will be drunk and making things too complicated for drunk people ends badly.
I ordered a Moving Mountains B12 Classic Burger with rainbow slaw. Andrew ordered a doner kebab.
Apparently the B12 burgers are the most realistic tasting vegan burgers available, but as I’ve not eaten a real burger for 27 years, I have no idea if this is true or not. What was true is that it was freaking delicious. It was pretty small though and did cost nearly £10 but as a treat it was amazing. It was so good, in fact, that I ate it before I remembered to take a picture of it.
As we only work 5 minutes away, we decided to go again on Monday for dinner. Partly because we had a case of the Mondays and needed cheering up with a treat and partly because I forgot to take a picture of the food on Saturday and wanted a photo for this blog.
This time I ordered a Philly Cheesesteak Sub and I can’t remember what Andrew ordered as mine was so nice I forgot he existed as I went deep into a fake-meat-melty-cheese-induced bliss. So, as you can probably guess, I ate the whole thing before I remembered to take a picture. Again! Seriously, I had one job.
So here’s another picture of the empty tray (cardboard so recyclable) sat on my desk, which I took shortly before drifting off into a ten minute stare out of the window while I digested this yummy goodness.
If you want to see what the best vegan food in Sheffield looks like then you’ll have to visit Church yourself because any food I order from there won’t be around long enough for me to take a picture of it.