I feel so guilty I can’t even think of a good title or a bad pun for this post.

I’ll just get it over with.

I bought cheap ham from Heron Frozen Foods.


The offending ham


I have yet to find the balance between ‘I’m such a laidback vegan I buy meat for my kids and hey, if I accidently ate a crispbread with whey powder in it then I’m not going to beat myself up over it’ and ‘how can I even call myself a vegan when I’m buying meat andanot even expensive organic meat from a pig that had a nice life’??

I think the problem is I’m trying to a) feed my kids anything but bread sticks (Evan) and cheese (Joni – cheese guilts are also prevalent) and b) I’m trying to fit in with both the non-vegans and the vegans.

The first one – feeding the kids – is simple, they have such a limited diet that I feel if I don’t try to feed them meat I’m a bad mum.

Well hello there mum-guilt, please meet vegan-guilt!

I also don’t want to be thought of as a bad mum for raising my children to be vegan. I don’t know why but there’s something a little bit culty about making kids vegan. But then there’s also something very weird about feeding kids dead things. Sigh.

Whenever people ask if our children are vegan and I say no, they always, without exception, seem very relieved. It could be because if a vegan’s kids aren’t vegan then they don’t need to question why they feed their children dead animals. It could be because vegans are still seen as a bit weird and hippy and God forbid we should raise weird hippy children.

Evan has a milk allergy and Joni has an egg allergy so medically they’re half vegan anyway.

The second point, fitting in with the vegan and non-vegan tribes is tricky. I used to make fun of vegans and can very much see why many people dislike a certain type of vegan.

I make a point of not mentioning it unless I want to avoid the awkward situation of being a vegan at a BBQ and will do anything to avoid asking if a meal is vegan in a restaurant. Normally I blame Evan’s milk allergy to find out if a vegetarian meal has dairy in it.

I’m pretty sure my shame of being a vegan has meant I’ve drunk non-vegan beer before to avoid saying the ‘v’ word outloud.

So why do I feel embarrassment about being a vegan? It’s possibly because I think people will think I’m trying to be cool or different or trying to get attention by being vegan. Me being a vegan might make them feel awkward.

Really though, all I’m trying to do is not eat dead things or drink the milk of soon-to-be dead things. So I am painfully aware that buying meat makes me a gigantic hypocrite.

If I do but the kids meat again, I’m going to go for the more expensive, organic options, as I can’t imagine the pig that supplied the vacuum packed ham from Heron had a happy life.

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